An interview about Sense & Sensuality

22 Sep 2006 Category: Features, Products, Worldwide

On a night out in London in 2000 I met two giggling women around Hoxton Square ringing a door-bell to get into a shop. Curious by nature I simply decided to follow them - and found myself in an erotic empire for women only. I felt pretty misplaced and embarrassed when one of the staff held a vibrator to my nose explaining that this was the way to test its strength….

Written by Uleshka

Now years have passed and the whole erotic market has really opened up for women. Sex and the City did tremendous changes to a general awareness of sex-toys, brands like Coco de Mer offer “tools for bedroom art”, Myla invited big name creators like Tom Dixon or Marc Newson to design sex toys for them and all that seems perfectly acceptable… Does it? How much has really changed? Aren’t there still many women around feeling uncomfortable by the thought of having to enter a sex-shop, no matter if it’s called “erotic boutique” or not? Aren’t there plenty, who want to do something to enhance their sexuality, but don’t quite have the courage to start with something as full on as a Shiri Zinn piece? Or think the other way around - ever noticed men who lose their confidence watching their partner being hooked on Rabbits? How much do toys actually enhance your sex life? Isn’t there still something missing?

PingMag talked to Charles Hayes - who very recently started his own sensual well-being brand Sense & Sensuality in London - about the misconceptions in the industry and how his products actually get you talking - enjoying a healthier, relaxed and fun relationship. Read on!

Charles, when and why did you decide to set up a business for a sensual well-being range of massage oils, lubricants and accessories?

Some research I had been doing for my masters degree pointed to major shifts of interest in wellbeing (health plus emotional & aesthetic context) moving away from the clinical and medical to the more holistic and pampering. Sex was clearly one area that had been overlooked in these holistic regimens, yet 40% of British women experience sexual dysfunction. It’s a buried issue that has a massive impact on people’s lives. I focused my MA degree show at Central St. Martins College of Art & Design on creating a future sex retail environment that solved the problems of accessibility, comfort, information and luxury.

How do you interpret “luxury” then? We will get to the accessibility later…

For S&S it’s about the luxury of having a great sex life, no matter who you are or what your interest is. It’s about knowing that the products you buy from S&S are of the best quality, actually good for you and fun at the same time. The days of healthy AND indulgent being opposites are over. People want to indulge and excite and not feel guilty and unhealthy for it.

What kind of “users” are you aiming at then?

35-50 year old women AND their partners. I feel that the by women, for women- movement has passed, and it’s time for men and women to be on equal footing, have real conversations about sex and respect each others feelings and celebrate each other’s differences.

What do you think happens to an insecure man in a questionably stable relationship when he passes in front of an Ann Summers in London and sees a poster called the “Evolution of Man” and the last rung on the stairs is a rabbit vibrator? Do heterosexual women really want to project an image of vibrators replacing their partners? That causes more problems in the bedroom than the vibrator is worth!

Hm! I get your point! Seems like there is some conversation missing, but what actually gets you talking? Bringing home a sex toy might be a pretty forced on way to break the ice…

I believe if you’re really going to help the majority of people, you’ve got to start the conversation earlier than introducing a toy. Most sex psychotherapists will tell you that fixing a sexual problem and or exploring a new sensual fantasy starts with communication.

Things like massage oils are “safer” ways to start the physical communication that can over time lead to more adventurous explorations such as toys. However, certainly toys are a terrific way of helping women discover their own bodies and can be completely appropriate in the right context.

How do you think massage oils can improve your sexual health and pleasure? How do you get over embarrassing conversations and move on just with that?

You’ll have to read a great interview on the S&S website with a sex psychotherapist that explains the importance of techniques such as sensate focus and physical communication in sexual relationships. Something as simple as a massage oil can introduce an entirely new physical language into a relationship, revealing new discoveries about a lover’s body while at the same time creating a context for relaxation, comfort and contact.

In what way do you think differs pleasure design for women to sex toys for men?

I conducted some research with a group of women this past february. When I asked them what comes to mind when I say “sensual wellbeing”, they answered: touch, smell, warmth, confidence… When I asked them what comes to mind when I say “sexual health” they said: men, disease, divorce!

The male sex shop is a very physical experience. By that I mean it’s all about the act, about revealing, about cutting to the chase. Which - by the way - I believe a lot of men are also tired of. Don’t even get me started on the whole issue of male sensuality! Rest assured that S&S will be addressing this in future collections…

The female take on it is about foreplay, teasing, narrative, concealing… Unfortunately, most of the retail environments for women have slipped into perpetuating female sexual stereotypes rather than promoting respect and communication between couples…

Overall you sound very much like an educator in this field. What products or programs do you actually offer to people then?

This industry is full of misinformation, taboos, and urban myth. Working with sex psychotherapists has been critical in helping me understand how to approach this subject with people and also give them the tools and “permission” to solve their problems and answer their questions.

I will be featuring a series of articles on various experts from sex psychotherapists to medical doctors to aromtherapists to researchers to tantra gurus in an effort to help people find something of interest to them. At the same time, I will be hosting a series of exclusive sexpert events in London which will also educate and inform.

So for the time being - your natural products and accessories are a help to get you started. Still when getting further, what would a good sex toy be in your opinion then?

I think sex toys are starting to experience the same problem as handheld devices, people tend to try and integrate as many functions as possible, known as convergence, when really a couple of really simple and high quality objects in the right contexts does a much better job.

I believe that the toy must be functional and aesthetic. It needs to be designed with a user in mind, grounded in some serious medical, ergonomic and ethnographic research! LELO are the ones doing it right!

Visually, LELO draws its inspiration from a mix of elements, the main being; the natural curves of the female body, abstract sculptural shapes, contemporary fashion, ergonomics and the ever present question: how to invoke in an inanimate object the essence of sexy and sensual allure?

When you look at product placement, I find it quite amazing to see that a couple of years ago condoms were in the most hidden corner of my local drugstore, then they moved to a more open space an extended their product range and now they are even placed at the very best spot along with lubricants, massage tools and traditional condom companies such as Durex collaborated with people like Seymour Powell and bridge over to sex toys with their Play series products. I find that quite an amazing development!

Exactly! It is a leap forward in my opinion to move these products into a visible and ‘normalized’ context. However, many people still associate purchasing a lubricant or oil from a drugstore as a medical or clinical experience. That is where I see my products coming in.

So where will you place your products, then?

I don’t want to sell in low-end drugstores or sex shops at all. My products should be visible in the health & beauty section of selected department stores and boutiques and should be a first step to try out something new with your partner. A woman might never enter a seedy looking sex shop in her life, but when she sees sensual health care products in a bright and trustworthy environment, this could actually help her to jump over a few barriers and make a first change.

What is in demand now? What has been missing so far?

Burlesque has been hot for a good 3 years now, don’t know if it will be for another 3. What’s missing? Things that actually impact people’s sexual satisfaction! Healthy products that are fun and sexy, that don’t embarrass people, that actually work and serve a purpose, and that say it’s ok to be who you are!

If people want to explore their sensuality, they should be able to do it in a way that doesn’t harm them. (toxins, parabens, chemical leaks) They have these options for organic food and natural cosmetics, why not for sensual goods?

Thanks a lot, Charles!

34 Comments

1. i love this word ” erotic boutique” ..pretty cool..

   Posted by: munchy on September 22nd, 2006 at 10:31 pm

2. ahh…actually that is two words, but still pretty cool two words…I guess.

   Posted by: just saying on September 23rd, 2006 at 4:37 pm

3. Pingmag never fails to come up with the most interesting and varied articles :0

   Posted by: satek on September 24th, 2006 at 12:48 am

4. i liked how Charles discusses handheld devices in relation to sex toys. Swiss arm knives or a Sashimi knife - makes me wonder what don norman might want to say about the design of this type of things :p

   Posted by: konomi on September 24th, 2006 at 8:57 pm

5. Marc Newson designing sex toys too? I have to see what he has come up with. Can’t believe it!

   It’s good to see that sexuality is now viewed more ‘elegantly’ than ever before. :)

   Posted by: Wicked on September 25th, 2006 at 8:23 am

6. its about the design for sex.

   Posted by: x-noise on September 25th, 2006 at 11:11 am

7. Cook company, very good article. But, check out Jimmyjane (www.jimmyjane.com)– thye’ve been doing this for a while now — gorgeous products.

   Posted by: Gwenyth on September 25th, 2006 at 9:38 pm

8. Interesting read. Elegant sexuality is definitely something that needs to hit big. Taboo views on the topic just will not cut it, for there’s a great deal to learn.
   Here’s to the future of sensuality! cheers

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